Memory Engram
by RuthlessBallard
Summary: We follow the twists and turns of a dangerous sexual relationship between a Starfleet officer and his valued subordinate. Warning: Dark Themes This was inspired by a line from House of Cards that I just loved and had to write this. Forgive me.


**2363**

Her hand incased my throat and her core encased my length. Sweat glistened off her pale skin as she continued to writhe. My god she was magnificent! It felt as though she could tear me apart at any moment. I admit, a part of me wanted her to. My groans nearly rose to screams. She wouldn't let up.

"Say it!" she growled

I wanted to speak but my god she was riding me like a stallion. Long locks of golden red hair had fallen from her perfect bun. Her pink lipstick smeared. It made her mouth look just as dirty as her words.

"Say it!" She barked

"You own me" I moan "Fuck…please….I'm so…"

"Don't you dare cum!" She warned but I took note as her last word turned into a whine

I could feel her tightening. Our thrusts became less calculated.

"Shit!" she mewled as her grip on my throat loosened but she held her resolve. She needed the moment. Her reward before mine. She needed to see me reduced. She must see the King be taken off his throne. She must diminish me to dirt. She was so magnificent, I must comply.

"Please!" I pant "I can't…I caaa….OH GOD!"

Her palm connected with my cheek. It shocked me but I loved it.

"Don't. You." She paused to moan "DARE!"

My eyes blurred with tears. My usually rigid body convulsed beneath her without abandon.

"I own you!" She roared

"KAAATHRYN!" I warned

"I own you!" Her voice rose into the height of primal insanity "I own you!" her legs splayed as she tensed "I own….FUCK!" She cried out as her climax consumed her. Her chest red. Her mouth agape. Her body heaved. She was like artwork atop of me.

I followed suit in less dignified fashion. But it was magnificent all the less.

She whined softly as the last remnants of her orgasm rippled through her.

Our bodies stilled for a minute before she dismounted. She lay beside me. I knew I was not allowed to touch her or whisper sweet nothings in her ear. She didn't want that from me. I fought the urge for a moment but then found myself gazing at her. She was young but not childlike, demure but not cold, small but not fragile. She held a quiet maturity you wouldn't expect in a twenty-three year old. She looked tired though. The hell she had been through the last few years had taken its toll. Im well aware thats why she would even consider being in the same bed with me.

"You could sleep here" I offered

"My mother is expecting me" she replied

A weak lie but I don't want to push it. She sat up and slowly removed the remaining pins from her hair, allowing a cascade of blessed irish genetics to flow down her back. Her long fingers ran through her locks. I could watch her for hours. I yearned to reach out and brush the pad of my fingers down the notches of her spine. If I wasn't so spent I would have even considered grabbing her by the hair, pull her back down to me and mount her. But neither were allowed and we didn't have the time.

I can't lie. When she slipped out of bed to slip on her scattered clothes my heart sunk a little.

"Are you hungry?" I asked "You should eat."

She paused. I surprised her. I felt a little stupid. She looked at me and suddenly I felt like a teenage boy asking his crush to the school dance. I must have looked pathetic because her stoney features softened and the corner of her mouth quirked up a bit.

"You should get back home to your wife, Owen." She said softly before slipping on the last of her clothing and headed out the door.

"Magnificent" I muttered to myself

 **2371**

I entered my ready room and was surprised she was already there. I stepped in quietly as I admired her slender silhouette standing before the view port. It took me a moment to realize she wasn't in uniform. It was jarring. She looked so out of place but exactly where she needed to be. Her hair was in a french braid. She wore a simple light blue cotton dress. She turned to me.

There she was. The woman.

No longer armored by the cloak of the uniform. The ability to become one of the many was gone. The woman exposed, just as I asked her to be.

When we were face to face I allowed myself to thumb the pointed end of her open collar. I breathed in the scent of her perfume.

"Were you at a party?" I inquired, she only wore her perfume at events

"Does it matter?" she asked dully

I say nothing but she knew I was the owner of the night. That night she would be working for what she wanted for years. A ship to call her own. A crew to follow her word. As her mentor, my word was the only thing standing in the way of Starfleet handing over full command to the her.

"Mark's parents" she sighed "They had a little dinner party"

I actually quite enjoyed Mark. He was an intellectual but he didn't make a show of it. I respect a man who can understand that it's the work that should do the talking. I wonder if she was ever the same with him in bed. I doubt it. I always felt I brought something out of her, out of both of us. It wasn't romance in itself but it was primal. It was at our core. I loved watching her transform from an upstanding officer into wild erotic creature.

My fingers glided up from her collar to her neck to her jawline where I lightly griped. The room was lit only in moonlight. Her pale skin made her appear all the more alluring. Her icy blue eyes flashed up at me. My thumb brushed against her thin lips as once more it smeared her lipstick. My other hand snaked to the small of her back and pulled her close. As her body pressed against mine I kissed her with kiss was slow. We managed to stumble our way to the desk where I propped her up upon.

When our lips parted I smiled down at her as I positioned myself between her legs. Her hand gently glided from my navel to my crotch. My breath hitched.

"Imagine it Katie" I moaned "All this could be yours. You, The Captain."

She unzips my pants and quickly tugs them down.

"You, The Commodore."

I tug down my undergarments and happily reveal her immediate effect on me. Icy orbs glare up at me. She spat in her hand and wrapped her delicate fingers around my length. She was never shy. It had been a couple years since we had met in that particular type of manner but she was always unapologetic and willing to offer her favors for a favor of my own. She was nothing like my wife. She was never meek, especially in the bedroom. She understood the sacrifices she had to make for her career and for Starfleet. Let me be clear, I was aware I was using her and she was as well. But the moment she accepted my invitation she was using me. I was completely hers. She had to know I was completely and helplessly hers.

"You…The Rear Admiral."

She pumped me slow, with calculated practice. She knew how to listen to my reactions and play me like a fiddle.

"Yo…you…The Vice Admiral."

It had been so long since I had been touched. I was embarrassed by how close I already was. I buried my nose into the crook of her neck. I allowed her scent to pump through my veins like heroine. My hand slipped underneath her dress caressed her breast. I nearly begged for mercy when she arched into me and emitted a soft gasp. I tried to continue to speak but my words were chocked out by moans.

She quickened the pace. My hips gyrated against her to touch. She wrapped her legs around me and I could make believe I was already inside her.

"Say it Owen" she moaned softly "Say how far I'll go"

I yelped and growled. She continued to stroke, only stopping to add more spit.

"Will you fuck me to Vice Admiral?"

I whimper as I picture the visions she was painting for me with her breathy, husky vibrato.

"Will you fuck me to Fleet?"

I beg

"Will the Academy rebrand in my name if I let you bend me over this desk?"

I quake.

"If you take me from behind and I moan your name over the comm lines will they name me an honorary founder of Starfleet?"

I'm on the precipice of release and that's when she stopped and unwound her legs from around me.

I stood before her trembling, painfully engorged and my mind high on Kathryn.

"Wha…whyyy?" I whined like a child denied candy. I needed her. I needed the release.

She leaned back to look at me. Her dress wrinkled and undone. Her breast peaking out behind the blue fabric. Her lipstick smeared. Her legs open with no apology. She looked like a beginning chapter of an erotic holonovel. But her face, her smile told a different story.

"Kathryn?" I implored weakly.

She smiled crookedly before reaching into her pocket and producing a shiny black box. With one press of a button and the box sprung open to produce the evidence of a shiny gold pip. I gaped stupidly.

"They presented this to me this morning. Naturally, they wanted to inform you as my mentor but I asked if I could tell you myself…"

She paused to lightly trace the underside of my penis with the pad of her finger, I hissed as a volt of electricity shot through me.

"…in person. We have developed such a close bond over the years."

She cocked her head to the side and raised on eyebrow. She raised her leg slightly and I glanced down to realize she had worn no undergarments. I moaned weakly.

"You betrayed me" I croaked

"No Owen. I proved myself. I didn't even have to take off my clothes. They just thought I was that good…at my job."

Shame and anger and lust came to me in waves.

She arched her back, accentuating every inch of her. I remained frozen.

"It's ok baby look all you want. Take it in. You are looking at the Captain of The Federation Starship USS Voyager and you will never get to touch her again."

"Kathryn…Kathryn I'm sorry…I" I stammer and close my eyes to find my words

When I open my eyes she has stood up and readjusting her clothing.

"I never questioned your ability…" I attempted

"Oh Im sure you didn't" she shot back with venom in her voice "Im sure when you eyed me in your class room you thought of how smart I was. I bet when you found me drunk in that bar after my father died you thought of my need for council" tears twinkled in her eyes "Thats why you brought me to that hotel room that night right? For council!? I bet as each promotion loomed my way it was my career you thought about when you call me to you!"

She turned to walk out when I grabbed her by the arm.

"Katie you know I care about you" I pleaded "You wanted this too! You wouldn't come back all these years if you didn't."

She paused not looking back at me.

"I'll admit it.." she said "…you're a great lay. You feel good. You do take care of me. But this has gone to far. This is to sick to continue. Let me go…just….let me go." She pulled out of my grasp.

The vision of her quietly exiting my ready room with a single tear trickling down her cheek was the last I would see of her for nearly a decade.

 **2378**

I felt stupid standing before her hotel room door.

"Im just visiting an old friend" I told myself "I should thank her personally for bringing Tom home. That's what this is about! Tom. It's about Tom….and her."

I pressed the door chime and immediately felt panic. I was turning to walk away when the doors swung open and for the first time we were face to face in nearly a decade. Sure we had met when the crew departed Voyager and I had met with her a few times to walk her through the debriefings but this was the first time we were completely alone. She looked lovely as ever dressed in only an off white hotel robe, her face devoid of make up and her wet hair recently combed through.

"I thought you would come" she stated with no accusation

"May I come in?" I asked softly

She nodded and stepped to the side.

"So how is it back on the home planet?" I asked as I make my way into the impressive abode

"Quiet" she answers before thinking on it more "And loud. If that makes any sense?"

"Yes and no" I chuckle

It had been years since I had departed from a long term voyage but I remember how unnerving it could be. I couldn't imagine how it could be for a crew who had been gone for seven years expecting it to be a few decades more.

"I'm sure you are ready to get to Indiana in a couple days"

"Oh yes. Though I'm sure that mother will have a transporter lock on me the moment the briefings are declared to be completed"

"That sounds like Gretchen all right" I chuckle

There is a pause as she examined me closely. I admit. I squirmed a little.

"Why are you here, Owen?" she asked softly

I looked down at my shoes, unable to face her.

"I guess….to see….to see if you're all right" I answer meekly

"To see if I'm all right" she repeats my words, tasting them, mulling them over

I look at her. I examined the way her eyes had lost their brightness yet there was still a twinkle left. I noticed the way she held herself so stiffly erect. I knew my Katie. I knew she was holding herself together so tightly to avoid the tsunami of emotion that could very well define her as a human. Not just a human, but a flawed one at that. How could someone so strong look so broken?

I opened my mouth and truth spilled out like vomit.

"Katie" I said, she looked up abruptly, I realize it must have been some time since someone called her anything other than "Captain".

"Katie" I said again as I wrapped my hands around her upper arms "You have haunted my dreams. Every day, Katie. Every day since the day I met you, since the day I became your mentor, since the day we made love…"

"No" she stated shakily

"No" I retorted before stepping in closer and cupping her cheek " I understand if you didn't think you were making love to me but I did to you. I wept for you when I heard about Voyager. I have grieved you for so long. I nearly lost hope but….but here you are."

I pulled her in against me. Her warmth there to remind me she wasn't a dream. She stared up at me bewildered.

"Oh sweetheart" I breathed " I can't imagine what you have been through. But you have me now."

I leaned in to place my lips against hers but she turned her head away.

"Your wife" she stated

"Ex-wife" I replied "We divorced three years ago."

"Im sorry to hear that."

"Don't be. We're better friends than we have been in years and she wants me to be happy with the woman I truly love."

She looked up at me again with bewilderment but much more focus. She had become aware of what I had just confessed. Im sure she knew before but it's always different when it's said out loud, put out into the universe where you can't take it back. Tears danced in her eyes as she slowly shook her head.

"No" she murmured "You don't"

"I do. I absolutely do."

"No, Owen. You don't love _me_. You love an idea of me. You love what you like to pretend I am."

"Katie no"

"I'm to tired! I'm so tired." she exclaimed her voice quaking with defeat "I'm to tired to be your fantasy! I can't…." her words die out. She closes her eyes and attempts to still her breathing.

"Do you realize that we have been together for thirteen years?" I say as I grab her hand and place it against my heart "Look at us. We've been through so much. Seen so much. Literally travelled across space and time but here we are. We always find one another. We always…" I pause to release my hand pressing hers against my chest to trace her collar bone "…we always come together."

She stares at her hand pressed against me.

"Thirteen years" she murmurs in thought

Her hair had started to dry, I leaned in and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"All those nights in hotel rooms, your ready room, the turbo lift, your office…my dorm room." she says softly

I groan at the thought of the memories. I remember how in the beginning she used to squirm from the pleasure, as if she wanted more but was almost was afraid to feel so much from within her. She had learned to consume the pleasure and own.

"All those nights for thirteen years" she says before looking up "You think that was about love?"

I was unsure how to answer. She reached up and cupped my cheek. She looked deep into my eyes.

"Owen" she breathed "I didn't fuck you all those years because I loved you. I fucked you because I hated you."

Oh.

Dear.

God.

 **Memory Engram Recording - 2379**

 **Subject: Paris, Owen Thomas**

 **Inmate #: K72634**

 **This is the end recording of Memory Engram of Inmate K72634. Memory states a history of sexual and obsessive nature with victim. Memory also examines statements of delusions of grander. Memory ends moments before the attack and eventual murder of said victim.**

 **Inmate has no prior record of violent activity but has been known to be obsessive and predatorial when in regard to the victim.**

 **As Chief Phycological Medical Practitioner under the law of The United Federation of Planets, I hereby request the inmate is institutionalized for the criminally insane immediately after sentencing. I have attached the victim report and a note from the victim's family to further assist the councils decision.**

 **Regards,**

 **Doctor Zena Rinag PhD**

 **ATTACHMENT:**

 **Victim Report - 2378**

 **Subject: Janeway, Kathryn Elizabeth**

 **Sex: F**

 **Eyes: Blue**

 **Hair: Auburn**

 **Height: 5'5**

 **Weight: 130lbs**

 **Age: 42**

 **Estimated Time Of Death (ETD): 22:30**

 **Estimated Date of Death (EDD): 30th of April, 2378**

 **At time of death victim appeared to have bruising on left cheek and lip. Skin tissue found underneath the fingernails thus indicating a sign of a struggle. Dark, thumb shaped bruising directly above the trachea and finger shaped bruising around the back of the neck. The trachea is partially crushed. Cause to be asphyxiation resulting in lack of oxygen to the brain. Victim appeared to be in decent health at the time of death.**

 **Note: The body was found clothed in one white, standard issued hotel bathrobe and a single pearl necklace. The necklace will be returned to the victim's family post investigation.**

 **ATTACHMENT:**

 **To The Chief of Council,**

 **My daughter, Captain Kathryn Janeway, served this government and this planet fiercely. It has deeply saddened and disturbed me that it was one of Starfleet's most valued officers to be the one to snuff my daughter out of this world. Owen Paris was once a very dear friend to my family and who I believed was a dear mentor to my child.**

 **I believe that Kathryn believed in justice for peace rather than revenge. So for the sake of my daughter's memory, I ask that the Council will consider providing Mr Paris with the mental help that he clearly needs.**

 **For the sake of my daughter, for the sake of government and for the sake of justice, I pray that you will come to a decision that will be equivalent to the crime.**

 **Sincerely,**

 **Mrs. Edward J. Janeway**


End file.
